How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
