Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i now understand why vodka
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
