....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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