Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
