dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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