Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
