The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
