dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
