i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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