So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
