every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
