WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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