so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She told me I should be a condom model.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
