I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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