Jerry, you need to find god
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Slut skills are useful in every country.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
there is glitter all over my balls
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
