she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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