It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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