I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize