just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
