i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
