If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize