Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
