Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
