Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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