I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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