you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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