shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
