I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
