he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
