I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Randomize
