Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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