Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
