I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
