You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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