i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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