broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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