Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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