coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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