My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
