You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
