I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize