i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
