the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
