2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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