I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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