Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
and you fell through a lawn chair
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
