I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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