I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
