I just cut my nipple shaving
i was born a porn star she said
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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