party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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