NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
