Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
