thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
