it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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