Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
