Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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