I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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