These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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