Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
