OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
