Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
