So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize