think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My balls are so social today.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
