The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
