How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
