She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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