bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
