Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
wat bout pragnant strippers??
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
