I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
