I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
