why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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