apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
