he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
