I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
